The Hidden Pain Of Infertility

Well put together on the outside, shattered into pieces on the inside. 

Masters of disguise, performers giving our greatest performance of having your shit together is the role we have been taught to and encouraged to exceed at and we have succeeded. The moments our heart breaks and we don’t allow the tears to fall, instead we hide our pain behind a smile that only those who look closely would see is not real. We say “I’m Fine” so automatically, that sometimes we almost believe it.  When the truth is, we either don’t feel anything, we are numb to the pain, fear, anger, and sadness. The outside looks like we are winning, we have the job, the house, the relationship, the money, the success.  

Only thing is I’m not sure who is actually winning in these moments.

It’s in these moments that we deprive ourselves of what we really need. We abandon ourselves again and again for people we actually don’t give a shit about to believe that we are well put together, winning at life. There is nothing to see here, it’s all good. We have perfected the smile but your eyes, if someone looks closely they show just how fucking painful it truly is to long for a baby and struggle to conceive.

Why are we so afraid of being human, showing our hearts as they feel it all and of having a longing that makes our body ache? Why is it so scary to be here? Often it comes back to what we are making these feelings mean, how we believe they will be received by the person we share them with. Just so you know, I know “I’m Fine” I know is the biggest lie we all tell, I've told it multiple times in the moments I was crippled by fear, in the moments my heart was breaking and in the moments I felt so overwhelmed and out of control. So I hear you and I know you are not ok and that’s ok. 

So what I really want to know in these moments is how are you really? Not so I can fix it (after 16 years in the NHS I can now say I am a recovering “Fixer”, I know you don’t need or want me to “fix” anything and the truth is you are not “broken”. But we need to be able to feel and express all of these uncomfortable emotions, without shame or the feeling that we need to hide them or protect others from them. 

It’s only when we can be here for these big feelings that  we can’t truly allow ourselves to feel what we do want to feel.  And the truth is  no one escapes these feelings, no one gets a pass. We might not all feel it for the same reason but we all feel it. 

We have to feel it to heal it and believe me when you heal it, you want to feel it all. Feeling is aliveness and it's where the beauty of life is found. 

Supporting the women I work to welcome all of the emotions, even the wildly uncomfortable emotions, is where the magic happens. 

If you are stuck on the emotional rollercoaster of TTC and want to get off, allow me to show you how to get off and what’s possible with the MBB Method.