When Self-Care and Listening To Yourself Is Difficult, Whilst Trying To Conceive.

Self-care is the beginning of the journey.

Self-Care for me as a Fertility and Hormonal Health Specialist and as woman, is how we remind ourselves that we matter, that we are loved, cared for and supported. 

But sometimes self-care is hardest thing to do!

What do you need right now?

True self care invites us to put ourselves first; to listen to what we need, to feel our emotions, to let go of the “I’m Fine”, to give ourselves permission to not know the answers or to have the solutions and it asks us to surrender.

We all have an inner knowing, an inner voice that speaks to us.

Can you hear this inner voice? Do you listen?

This inner voice is not our busy mental chatter, its not the ego that tells us we “should, could, must” do or know something, its not the voice full of fear or frustration and its certainly not the voice that tells you to “pull yourself together” to “get a grip” or that screams “your broken”.

Our inner voice is the voice that whispers to us, the one we have to slow down and be still to hear.

It whispers “l love you”, “I am proud of you”, “slowdown”, “its going to be ok”, “breathe” “this is hard”, “I’ve got you”, “you are so loved”, “its ok”, “its ok to let go”, “take all the time you need”, “You are not alone”.

Sometimes we hear this inner voice trying to comfort and soothe us, to offer us these words, but we’ve built wall. A wall that protects us and our heart. We have locked difficult feelings inside, hidden in the dark corners, out of sight, our body holding them for us. Sometimes our mind reminds us that they are still here, it shows us where they are, wondering if now might be a good time to feel and heal them.

This is when self-care is hard, as self-care invites us to begin to take down the wall brick by brick, to acknowledge the emotions that our body has been holding for us.

Self-care is not the wrecking ball.

Self-care asks us just to begin...to shine a little light in the dark corners, so we can see what’s there and only when we are ready...to begin to loosening the body’s grip on what its been holding for us.

Self-care can feel vulnerable, it softens our defences and our emotions can feel like a tsunami, so big and unknown that we might not survive…but you will.

Make it sacred!

Self-care is not an occasional treat, it’s a daily habit. On your journey to your baby it’s essential. Its your lifeline through the emotional rollercoaster, it’s what helps you hold onto hope. It doesn’t have to be carving out an hour at a time, 5 minutes is enough. There are no rules around what it is, all that matters is it just for you and it support you.

My advice is to create a space where you feel safe and protected and fill it with things you love.

This could be a candle, a favourite blanket, cushion, your yoga mat, your journal, a plant, a photograph, a letter to yourself, a crystal whatever feels special to you. Creating your space, a warm inviting space, a space for you.

Create a ritual when you come into this space. Maybe your light a candle, close your eyes and just focus on your breath for a few moments.

Allow this to be a space where all emotions are welcome, even the difficult ones. Invite them in but do so with kindness.

Allow yourself space and time to be still, to breathe, to be frustrated at the unfairness, to feel the fear that nothing is promised, to shed the tears that have been held back, allow these feeling to be here without judgement, without a sense of them being good or bad, right or wrong.

All emotions are valid, all are asking just to be heard, to be acknowledged and then to be let go.

Listening to what we need without judgement, with the same kindness and compassion we show to others, guides us home to ourselves.

You are not broken.

You are loved, cared for and safe.

Your turn is coming.

I see you and I'm here if you need any support.

Amy x